Resident Moron

Bringing it.

Send This To Your Mom Today

The Mom Song” to the William Tell Overture (Anita Renfroe)

Get up now, Get up now, Get up out of bed
Wash your face, Brush your teeth, Comb your sleepyhead
Here’s your clothes and your shoes, Hear the words I said
Get up now! Get up and make your bed
Are you hot? Are you cold? Are you wearing that?
Where’s your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and gloves and your scarf and hat
Don’t forget! You gotta feed the cat
Eat your breakfast, the experts tell us it’s the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Please remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at 3 today
Don’t forget your piano lesson is this afternoon so you must play
Don’t shovel, Chew slowly, But hurry, The bus is here
Be careful, Come back here, Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside, don’t play rough, will you just play fair?
Be polite, make a friend, don’t forget to share
Work it out, wait your turn, never take a dare
Get along! Don’t make me come down there
Clean your room, fold your clothes, put your stuff away
Make your bed, do it now, do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn? Would you like some hay?
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone! Get off the phone!
Don’t sit so close, turn it down, no texting at the table
No more computer time tonight!
Your iPod’s my iPod if you don’t listen up
Where are you going and with whom and what time do you think you’re coming home?
Saying thank you, please, excuse me makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You’ll appreciate my wisdom someday when you’re older and you’re grown
Can’t wait till you have a couple little children of your own
You’ll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now I thank you not to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew, would appreciate
Take a bite maybe two of the stuff you hate
Use your fork, do not burp or I’ll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an A, get the door, don’t get smart with me
Get a grip, get in here, I’ll count to three
Get a job, get a life, get a PHD
Get a dose of, “I don’t care who started it! You’re grounded until you’re 36″
Get your story straight and tell the truth for once, for heaven’s sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff would you jump, too?
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said at least a thousand times before
That you’re too old to act this way, It must be your father’s DNA
Look at me when I am talking, Stand up straighter when you walk
A place for everything and everything must be in place
Stop crying or I’ll give you something real to cry about
Oh!
Brush your teeth, wash your face, put your PJs on
Get in bed, get a hug, say a prayer with mom
Don’t forget, I love you
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom’s work never ends
You don’t need the reason why
Because, because, because, because
I said so, I said so, I said so, I said so
I’m the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom, the mom!!
Ta da!!!

October 29, 2008 Posted by | Funny, Internet Content | , , , | Leave a comment

Music’s Love Story

I just came across a page in a notebook from about 2001 that I remember so clearly. I was waiting at the airport with my headphones on, and decided to give a little project a try. I focused on the lyrics, and for every phrase I heard about relationships, I jotted it down and moved on to the next song.

Once the page had been filled, I read over it, and scrawled across the top, “Part 1: The Romance, Part 2: The Reality.” The following is what came of the exercise.

You were like nothing I’d ever known
Loving you came easily to me
You needed love to light the shadows in your eyes
You became the light on the dark side of me
Two worlds collided, I didn’t want to miss a thing
I was living for the only thing I knew
There was nothing in the world that could change my mind
Who needed them when you meant everything

I’ve never felt so good since then
I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day
Get over the faithful yesterday
Face to face with something I couldn’t have admitted
Look carefully, the result of the pain you committed
I could see the glow slowly fading from your eyes
Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken?
Everything’s made to be broken.
Everybody’s got a story that can break your heart.

I’m happy cause I smile but how much can I fake?
Still waking up late at night crying tears
Is it safe to look within?
Is it gone? Tell me what went wrong
I’d rather be alone than unhappy
And I don’t want the world to see me, cause I don’t think that they’d understand
It’s the human connection that kept us apart
Without you in my life I’m completely incomplete
This is what you do
You make me come, you make me complete,
You make me completely miserable. 

I bet most of you recognize at least a few songs out of there! I challenge you to pick a topic, try the same thing, and share the results below.

October 28, 2008 Posted by | Time to Kill, Writing | , , , , , | Leave a comment

All I Wanna Do Is…

…share my current song addiction with you. Lots of mixed reviews on this one, but it works with my lazy, laidback, chilled-out, bummed out moods.

M.I.A. – Paper Planes (lyrics below)

[x2] I fly like paper, get high like planes
If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name
If you come around here, I make ‘em all day
I get one down in a second if you wait

[x2] Sometimes I think sitting on trains
Every stop I get to I’m clocking that game
Everyone’s a winner, we’re making that fame
Bonafide hustler making my name

[x4] All I wanna do is boom boom boom boom…
And (ka-ching!)
And take your money

[x2] Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bongs
Running when we hit ‘em
Lethal poison through their system

[x2] No one on the corner has swagger like us
Hit me on my Burner prepaid wireless
We pack and deliver like UPS trucks
Already going to hell just pumping that gas

[x4] All I wanna do is boom boom boom boom…
And (ka-ching!)
And take your money

M.I.A.
Third world democracy
Yeah, I got more records than the K.G.B.
So, uh, no funny business

Some some some I some I murder
Some I some I let go
Some some some I some I murder
Some I some I let go

[x4] All I wanna do is boom boom boom boom…
And (ka-ching!)
And take your money

P.S. Funny shit, check out this video by some fans of the song:

UPDATE: I can’t help but think M.I.A. might appreciate these Chanel gun shoes, below (via BoingBoing). Step-KAPOW! Step-KAPOW!

October 27, 2008 Posted by | Internet Content | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Ladytron – Ghosts (Blestenation mix) lyrics

I had to work this out on my own so comment with suggestions!

UPDATE: lyrics have now been posted on YouTube from this page. I feel special.

NEW UPDATE: Thanks to everyone who commented with lyric input/corrections!

Official MTV music video here – although it’s restricted to US viewers so I can’t see it :(
Download song here

Ladytron – Ghosts (Blestenation mix)

[rap]
My fault
My bad
I had to be trippin
I’m wipin your tears and I’d do it again
You’re playin the game
I’m layin the craze in your brain when I fuck with your head
You’re playin for change but shit is just stayin the same
‘Cause I got that chain around you even when I ain’t around
I’m hittin the town
You wait in the house
Cursing and sayin my name
You callin me but my voice-uh-mail just picks up on the first ring
Your mind is playin the worst thing into tears again, you’re bursting
Here it comes just like rehearsal
I thought my bad
I had to be trippin
That’s just how the cycle works

(Ladytron – Ghosts Chorus)
There’s a ghost in me
Who wants to say I’m sorry
Doesn’t mean I’m sorry

[rap]
A Part of me just wants to say that I’m sorry
But I’m not so I gotta be pardoned
I’m a hard hitter my heart is just hardened
It froze, it’s over darlin
Listen I know that it’s sad that you’re cryin
And I don’t care, but I’m tired
Of all the moaning and bitching and whining
I just came here to pick up what’s mine and be on my way
I’ve got an appointment
Yeah, I’ve got a job employment
You were a puppet, a prop, a pawn for my enjoyment
To get to my point, I met someone else
Who’s better in bed, better-looking, respects me
Someone who’s trying, who protects me
Heh
That’s what she said when she left me

(Chorus x4)
There’s a ghost in me
Who wants to say I’m sorry
Doesn’t mean I’m sorry

[Computer animated voice]
I woke up this morning cold and lonely
And my first waking thought was to get angry with you
It was the first time I’d thought of you in a while
But there I was mad because I was cold and lonely
And I guess it was that I was mad because you weren’t there
It’s just sometimes my friends tell me that I thought you would be there
That I was wrong living with you in New York and L.A.
Not that I remember anything from in December

Anyway, I had a very pleasant second date tonight with a very nice man
I probably had too much to drink
I probably shouldn’t be writing you now
It’s stupid, and petty, and childish and isn’t going to do me any good
But the truth is the truth

There’s a ghost in me
Who wants to say I’m sorry
Doesn’t mean I’m sorry…

Other song suggestions:

Wiley – Wearing My Rolex
Sia – Soon We’ll Be Found
Incubus – Sick Sad Little World
Lily Allen – GWB (Fuck You Very Much) – so pleasantly demeaning!
Adam Tensta – Dopeboy:

Which reminds me of another song with sick beats that I enjoy, Aesop Rock – None Shall Pass:

September 17, 2008 Posted by | Internet Content, Time to Kill | , , , | 7 Comments

Better Than Average

I can get stuck on a catchy tune same as most people, but I have hardly listened to the radio in a long while – and I’m talking, about 6 years – because I just… Don’t. Like. Crap.

Now, I know Hedley is one of those teenybopper bands that “kids nowadays” (yeah yeah, I’m not so old) call “rock.” I have to admit, though, they don’t do fluff. These lyrics do justice to music. Way to raise the bar, 21st century Pop.

Hedley – Old School

Don’t believe everything happiness says
Nothing feels better than hiding these days 
We bury our fears in the drinks, in these tears
For the days we believed we could fly

Call up your brothers and sisters and friends
We’ll go back to the place where the night never ends
We’ll remember the fires, the burning car tires
Boy how in the hell did we get here?

So why don’t you meet me, down behind the old school
We’ll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how 
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy’s surrounding me
Don’t close your eyes or we’ll fade away 

Over and over and over again 
We sat down for a minute, grew up into men
Now we’re putting out fires and changing car tires
Man how in hell did we get here?

So why don’t you meet me, down behind the old school
We’ll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how 
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy’s surrounding me
Don’t close your eyes or we’ll fade away this time

And we’ll never get back what we 
Gave away, when we still have that fire in our eyes
Don’t believe everything happiness says
Nothings as real as our old reckless ways
When we drink by the fires
The burning car tires
Bad girls and good liars
The dreams we’d conspire
The days we went crazy 
The nights wild and hazy 
Man how in the hell did we get here?

So why don’t you meet me, down behind the old school
We’ll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how 
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy’s surrounding me
Don’t close your eyes or we’ll fade away 

Why don’t you meet me, down behind the old school
We’ll waste away the weekend, with perfect regard for how 
Cavalier we used to be, that beautiful insanity
The apathy’s surrounding me
Don’t close your eyes or we’ll fade away

September 13, 2008 Posted by | Writing | , , | Leave a comment

One Step Closer

It’s getting really hard to make myself breathe. One day at a time isn’t going fast enough for me. I’ve even started pushing my family away. I know it will make everything easier on everyone if I can just hold on until after Christmas, but, …I don’t think I can. There’s not enough room to hide my tears anymore. I’m torn, because what I’m thinking is so, so selfish. There are too many people who care. What can I do? UPDATE: Thank goodness for friends; especially to Rivers, who always knows how to make me smile, and to Megan, who always makes time for a friend in need.

Song: Linkin Park – One Step Closer

That was too depressing – now we all deserve a smile:

This is not mine, downloaded it somewhere... Wish I had one for my brain.

This is not mine, downloaded it somewhere... Wish I had one for my brain.

August 25, 2008 Posted by | Depression, Funny, Internet Content, Writing | , , | Leave a comment

Tainted Love

Does anyone else out there experience love as simply the flip-side of hate, like the two are easily confused in an emotional moment? I have a lot of trouble forming intimate connections (even with family members), so when I let someone in, the simplest betrayal is quick to ignite my hatred – this is my love demon. Typically, my style is to be defensive, but something about a betrayal of my heart puts me on the offense, and I get MEAN. I watch myself as it happens and wish I didn’t know I would regret it later, but that would involve holding onto the anger for longer, which isn’t healthy either. Is this something I can get over? I understand the song “Tainted Love” more and more, haha. Oh yeah – I also laugh and smile at inappropriate times (i.e. discussing my depression in person). Another of my choice defense mechanisms.

The worst part of my love/hate relationship is that it is, quite complexly, with myself. I am emotionally stunted. I am the one torturing myself with my thoughts, my jealousy, my fear of rejection, of not being ‘good enough’ – but when I embrace my tendency toward commitment-phobia (only two men have been the exception to this rule), all I do is put up more walls and turn inward to someone who, frankly, is not very supportive.

I tried to protect someone I really care about from my anger, and gave lots of subtle warnings and guidance for dealing with my moods…my way of compensating for having those sensitivities and not knowing how to overcome them. I really didn’t want to hate him. I am watching myself become more emotionally high-maintenance, and he just didn’t have the extra effort to expend, I guess.

Result: I had a really angry day, and cried a lot, and bridges were burned (though may be reparable).

Happy thoughts, anyone?

I made this as I stood back and watched my first important relationship fall apart

August 21, 2008 Posted by | Depression, Writing | , , , , | Leave a comment

   

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